HELLO PEOPLE!

VISIT ME AT http://van-essaxo.livejournal.com

I'm not deleting this blog cause i might go back to blogger, but in the mean time, I am livejournal-ing, yet again ;D

See ya there, & leave comments if you have any questions you wanna ask.

xo
LOVE

My blog died, let me revive it.

Shandy, will relink soon ;D

Hasmidah, thanks for believing in me. We'll kick butt in Cheerobics, yea? ;D

BORINGGGG, heh, your tag cracks the shit outta me.

Tina, Hell yeah! & know you very tall la. Tsk, haha ;D

Jeremynicholas, you very kaypoh leh. Hahah, see you soon ;D

Rachael, will link soon, see ya ;D

Yingxue, thanks for that miracle, really hope it means something. See you on monday, gonna vomit blood when I teach you E maths, hah ;D

Someone, okay, will do, thanks ;D

Jovell, it was at Ngee ann Poly open house.

Afiah, hah, I knw more than just motek!

Winnie, no lor! Those in your blog are so, wth can ;D

JOANS, thanks ;D Takecare.

Jiexiang, yea, I do try. See ya.

Weilin, sorry la, will link soon ;D

Right, anyway, I think I should lie about my life here. Cause my real life really, sucks me dry. Crap! It's my grandad's birthday today. He's really sick, liver cancer & may die anytime. How sad. Happy 80th Birthday Ah Kong ;D

Monday, I was happy x 100000000000000000 ;D like seriously.
Tuesday, I forgot what happened. Cheer was cancelled.
Wednesday = I wish I didnt wake up that day. Damn-ness.
Thursday, got lots of LOVE from lots of LOVEly people ;D Thanks GIRLFRIEND, Sabrina, Fikaa, Peiyu, Zu Er, Peiyu, Xinyi & Dexter for the presents =)
Friday, went home straight away after school. The rest went to the Parliament House.

Today, date with Fikaa, watching the Chingay in Town later. I think I'm gonna get squeezed to death, Sorry, I'm tiny. Can I grant a wish at Chingay, is there such a thing? *ponders* Oh well, it wouldnt hurt yea?

I miss playing ball, though I suck at it. I remember training when I was sec 1. Jasper was telling the rest "See, even Vanessa's under-basket go in, you all leh?" & I was all "Okay la! I know I'm short!" But yea, I hate being tan, so i quit. & who would've thought I'd join Cheer ;D

I'm uber bored now. Gonna call Shiqqin, I miss talking to her. Heart to heart.

& Thanks Weijian & Junhong for putting up with me.

Kay, I cant find the cable to transfer my pictures from my phone to the computer. Crap!

Awh Hell yeah, i should blog like this more often, only including HALF the story of my life.

Congrats Sabrina & Adiel & Efa & Mirza ;D How nice, getting together/patch on V day.

xo
I miss you.

I am a junior, Mag'Zest ;D

Candid-ness.


To all those anonymous-es, thanks.

In case ya'll are wondering how I've been so far, umm. I guess I'm fine. I know life is hard & it's been almost 2 months already. But life has to go on, yea? Like duh, I wish i can just throw it away & forget yesterday, but avoiding it is never an answer. I've come to a point where I've realised, so what if the world is upside down for me now? I cant do anything but turn it around again yea?

To my dearest Sabby, "the best cure to a broken heart is a new love" ;D Yea, i know, practice what you preach, sorry, i cant. My situation's different. Sabby, you're lucky you know? Cause I know exact;y how you feel, so much that I cant speak your thoughts, remember? So cut yourself some slack babe. All of us lovely-s know that you'll find greater happiness with _____ ;D

Ya'll dont have to worry too much about me. Talk about your darling boyfriends infront of me, I dont mind. I'm used to it, I think. Tell me how sweet they are, tell me he's getting both of you couple rings, tell me he picks you up after school everyday, tell me how he motek you, tell me how you spent your weekends with him, tell me what ya'll talk about at night, tell me how he never gets jealous, tell me how he promised to be with you forever, tell me how adorable he is. Better yet, show me how love dovey ya'll are, right infront of me. Cause I'm too used to it.

& if ya'll think it's easy living life this way & I'm happy & normal everytime you see me, & that I'm fine now, then I'm sorry, you're wrong.

Oh, dont forget to tell me what he's gonna get you for Valentine's Day. That would be so nice to know, yea? Awesome-ness. I wonder how Valentine's day would be like for me. As I see happy couples in school, not hesitating to hold hands, look into each other's eyes & smile. Living life, so complacent. I'm happy that there are people out there who are happy & in love, but....... I dont wanna talk about it.

I need to go shopping.
I just put lots of money into lots of ang pows.

Troublemaker, your prayer has been answered? It's happening?

yingxue.shandy.peishan.genevieve.huishan & I.


plaster a smile, like everything's all right.

My blog is dead. Boo.


B.H.A.W.
Bang Head Against Wall.


Anyways. Days have been.. I dont know. Yes, I've got awesome girl-friends & guy-friends but nothing compares to hvaing an awesome boyfriend. Okay, whatever, nevermind. Ya'll dont get it, neither do I. I dont get half the shit I say, so screw me. Erikaaaaaa, I am so F happy for her. She's HAPPY & IN LOVE. Believe me, I'd give up EVERYTHING to be HAPPY & IN LOVE like how I was.


to Joash: Okay, will link soon.


to ...: Umm, it means, To Eternity I Will Still Be In Love With You. Long story on how it came about, but I still remember it very well. Sighs, MEMORIES.


to bloggersayhitoyou!: I do? Well, lucky you. You can patch with him so many times, I cant. I'm not as lucky as you are. So please treasure that bf of yours. You seriously dont know how lucky you are, you know? & yea, I'm still waiting.


to RACH: It's hard, but I always try. You too ;D


to T: Not as easy as you think it is. I love him, too much.


to Zhiying: Hahaha, *BLOODY MARY BLOODY MARY BLOODY MARY* I'm not as string as I seem, I cant get over him. I wouldnt get over someone I LOVE.


to Winnie: OMG, I CANT. Yes, there's a fag here.


to Yingxue: 154 is not VERY short kay. It's just NOT tall. See you on monday! Misses.


to Huishan: DPA = BITCH-ING time. Glad THAT'S settled.


to Erika: Hello, you HAPPY & IN LOVE GIRL, I SO ENVY YOU CAN!


to Esther: How i wish you were in my Maths class la. Miss you man.


to Jiexiang: There! I am UPDATING. Talk to you soon.


FYI. I am NOT pestering him. Hello, if I was, that would mean that I would be messaging him, calling him, bugging him. But, NEWS FLASH, I am not. So deal with it? People, get your facts right. Why would I wanna pester him, when I know that if I do, he'll hate me more? I am born with brains too, kay. What others know, is what they found out by themselves. Why would I wanna irritate him, when I love him. Dont siao okay. Sighs, I didnt even ask anyone to bother him, so wth, ya'll just push the damn blame on me.


But whatever la, ya'll rather believe rumours, than believe a girl whose words are as true as her love for him, what can I do?

Hello, you win already la.

I love you.

that's all i have to say.

I saw you with your new girl just yesterday
And I feel that I must confess
Even though it kills me to have to say
I'll admit that I was impressed
Is it calling just showed up affection
Gotta commend you on your selection
Though I know I shouldnt be concerned
In the back of my mind I cant help but question

Does she rub your feet (when you've had a long day)
Scratch your scalp (when you take out your braids)
Does she know that you (like to play ps2 till 6 in the morning like I do)

I cant explain this feeling, I think about it everyday.

& even though we've moved on,
It gets so hard to walk away.
I'm gonna remember you, you're gonna remember me.


I guess I gotta live my life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I cant
No other man has given me attention.
It aint the same as your affection
Though I know I should be content
In the back of my mind I cant help but question

Does he kiss me on the forehead (before we play)
Show on my doorstep (with a bouquet)
Does he call me in the middle of the day (just to say)
Baby I love you (like you used too)

So hard to express this feeling
Cause nobody compares to you (to you)
And you know she'll never love you like I do

Walk Away, Paula DeAnda.

BITCH.SLUT.WHORE.



F A maths, okay.
I havent done a single question & I do not plan to kill my brain cells to do it.
Ey, wth Erika, you're supposed to call me like 123456789 hours ago.


='(

& wouldnt it be so F cool I was like Hayley Williams of Paramore?
Umm, not many know this,
But it's my dream to be a singer in a ROCK BAND.
& the only female in the band.
Sorry, female guitarists, not as good as male guitarists ;D
Mygod mygod, will my dream come true?
*ponders*

I'm not coming back,
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak
But you'd expect that from me.
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt.
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair.
& out of my mind.
Keeping an eye on the world
From so many thousands of feet off the ground.
I'm over you now, I'm at home at the clouds.
Towering over your head.
I guess I'll go home now.

Okay. I cant stop listening to Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Once again, last night & today, I played cupid for an extremely good friend of mine whom I regard as a brother. & cupid worked it, again. I wonder, I always solve everyone else's relationship problems, playing Cupid for them. Seeing a smile on their faces. It satifies me. But why. Just why. Is my own relationship so crappy?

I cant imagine myself singing infront of a crowd. Can I? It has always been my dream, to be a vocalist in a rock band. Yea okay anyways, Erika, your answer is right infront of you kay. Come on la, those guys dont treat you like a princess for nothing kay. I think you are better off with them, trust me. My blog's so boring that I can sleep while halfway posting. & Ms Ho actually tried to cheer me up during Geography, wth right? The world is so upside down. No one else really bothers to layan him but you. Please tell me I'm wrong, please tell me the things i wanna hear. It has almost been a month. 28 days to be exact. But through all this shit, ISLY.

I wanna screw A Maths up a wall.
I wanna live in denial.
I wanna NOT live in denial.
I wanna be able to smile again.

I dont wanna have to wake up every morning at the wrong side of the bed, feeling that pain in my heart, wondering why am I even awake, telling myself I should just sleep forever & not wake up cause this life's to hard to lead. With remorse, I look into the mirror, I hold back my tears, I question myself over & over again. I look out the window, I feel the cold air, I pray. All this, & knowing you're not mine anymore.

Esther: Fuck A Maths. Like wth, & ACC every lesson will ask me to answer question.

Asraf: Thanks. I cant lead a good life now. No one understands me much anymore. & it's sad that I try so hard, but I get Shit in return. But I still hold on. Last forever with Lyana please. & marry her. Btw, she kissed me left cheek today, jealous much? Take care.

passer-by: Yea, if only he thinks this way too. & sometimes I wonder is it really that hard to accept the fact that he is loved. really, if only he thinks the way you & many other people do. Take care.

Shandy: I like APLGM, hahaha. xo

Irza, YOU ARE ONE FUCKING AWESOME HARDCORE BROTHER, MYGOD MYGOD. TELL YOUR GF I SAID HI. Oh, wth.

Fairul, YOU OWE ME $47 ;D

Yingxue, I think #04 is the nicest of all the others.

Girlfriend, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH ;D Dont you?

Dont you miss being loved? I'm right here waiting. Yea, there are a million girls out there, but my love for you is more than a million. & do you think they'll love you as much I as I did & I will if I had the chance to? Words, should I even take them to heart?